


although in (two) pieces, yet one

by masamune11



Series: o brother who's not mine [2]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bharatayuddha, Bharatayuddha!Arjuna, Bharatayuddha!Arjuna will be dubbed Permadi, Bharatayuddha!Karna, Bharatayuddha!Karna may as well be dubbed as Surya Atmaja, Gen, Mahabharata!Arjuna, Permadi is one of the ephitet belonging to Arjuna during his younger time in Bharatayuddha, mahabharata - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-26 17:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13862808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masamune11/pseuds/masamune11
Summary: Of course, the Bharattayuddha features not only the tragic Hero Karna. One cannot tell his tale without mentioning his brother(s) after all.In particular, the third-born of Pandawa Five.In which Ritsuka summoned another Arjuna from a different tale. The predecessor surely had not expectedthis.





	1. the not-me who came from another tale

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will be two-fold, I promise. ~~No, it will not grow into a monstrous fic with too many chapters, else I will not be able to finish it.~~
> 
> Also, you may want to read some of Arjuna's interlude #2. I have liberally mentioned Krishna everywhere in this fic.
> 
> Unbeta'ed until further notice.
> 
> P.S: the title of this fic is derived from _Bhinneka Tunggal Ika_. ...and yes, I realize that the translation might intersect with _E Pluribus Unum_ , but conceptually... not really.
> 
> Also, the more you read about Arjuna, the more you find that Arjuna is over-powered AF. Most of his arsenal of weapons are gifts from gods through his hermitage. Honestly, he should be eating as much mana as Karna should be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am Servant Archer, Arjuna. I ask of you, are you my master?"
> 
> * * *
> 
> In which Ritsuka summoned Servant Archer Arjuna (but not really).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Note:
> 
>   * _Swayamvara_ : or known in Javanese term as _Sayembara_ was a practice of choosing a husband, from among a list of suitors, by a girl of marriageable age. Swayam in Sanskrit means self and vara means groom in this context. One of the most prominent tales of this is the Swayamvara of Draupadi, where the Pandava Brothers enter to gain the hand in marriage of Draupadi.
>   * The earpiece that Permadi uses is similar to the one used by [Arjuna from Garudayana](https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1310987685l/8109371.jpg)
> 

> 
> * * *
> 
> _Fitting Sayembara into this fic is so tempting that I cannot pass this chance._

**[1]**

To witness a summoning process and to experience it were two different things altogether, so Arjuna thought.

He remembered the moment when Ritsuka summoned him, the crackles of white lightning lurching around the summoning seal to give birth to his current form. Recalling that event made his skin tingle because it was also at that moment that his unrestrained spirit was bound to spiritron. It was… exhilarating; the original Arjuna from Mahabharata who existed in the Throne of Heroes existed as a being without human emotions—a scramble of information defined by humanity but possessing not a strand of human emotions at all. When he was summoned, the knowledge that made Arjuna blended with his reclaimed humanity—for the World dictated that humans must have the capacity to _feel_ , no matter how broken one’s thought process was.

He imagined if that was what the servant-in-summon was feeling now.

Standing next to him was Karna, who was observing the phenomenon with curiosity so deep that he had not realized how Arjuna slowly scooted away to make space. He recalled the time that he spent to read the Bharatayuddha while waiting for Karna (not _his_ ) to rouse from his slumber. His mind always came back to the part where the Great Narada revealed Karna's heritage as his kin... A point of the story that differed greatly to his recollection. Ultimately, the end of that tale was like the tale of Arjuna's life. Yet, he could not help but wonder how his iteration truly felt... To kill the brother and break order. Did he regret the deed? Did it eat him alive? What—

"It's here!"

Mash' exclamation broke the trails of his reverie, forcing him to focus his attention on the resurging form of his master's newest servant. The form assumed a figure of a man, clad in white with hints of purple. His complexion was dark, and it blended beautifully with his brown eyes and dark hair—

—Arjuna looked at the face that was his own and froze.

"I am Servant Archer, Arjuna. I ask of you, are you my master?"

Awed silence descended upon the room of summoning, broken only by the sound of Karna's footsteps as he closed the distance between himself and the newly established servant. The not-Arjuna (he refused to see this man as himself; those brown eyes looked too righteous... Too pure, so unlike his own that were tarnished by his regret) noticed the movement, blue eyes widening as recognition dawned on him. Far from the traditional procession, the servant tentatively closed the gap until both stood face-to-face.

Karna was the one who threw himself into an embrace, reverently whispering ' _oh brother, you're here, you're here, thank the gods_ ' _._  The not-Arjuna was startled at first but then yielded to the hug.

He should have felt nothing when he saw this, and yet the envy that stemmed at the bottom of his heart was as real as Krishna's presence.

Arjuna quickly buried that feeling away (tried to, anyway).

* * *

Seeing that the presences of two Arjunas in Chaldea invited common confusion, Ritsuka decided to call the not-Arjuna something else. Unsurprisingly, the not-Arjuna offered another name:  _Permadi_.

(A name that was too foreign to his ears. Perhaps it was another of his epithet from the  _Tale of Bharatayuddha.)_

Furthermore, Permadi would be wearing an ornate earpiece made of gold to differentiate himself from his alter-iteration. Ritsuka wholeheartedly agreed to Permadi's proposition, not to Arjuna's surprise, but the fact that it set Karna on a smiling feat...

(He kept telling himself that the servant was not _his_  Karna, who was given the chance to taste life once again—who was able to _smile_  and _chuckle_ and _smirk—_

—and yet those emotions came from the person wearing Karna's face, evoked only by his younger brother.

He never felt this way, but that feeling tasted much like the matters that he denied, the darkness that he kept buried because _he was a loyal kshatriya... and a kshatriya possessed no such darkness in him_.)

He disliked Permadi... which was ironic, as the archer was _himself_ of another tale.  How could it not, when he walked around Chaldea with an air like himself... as if he had no cracks buried down in the depths of his heart? Even Permadi ought to have skeletons (because Arjuna had them, buried at the bottom of his soul).

Karna— _Surya Atmaja_ , he offered once, if only to help Arjuna distinguish the Karna-who-was-not-his—noticed his animosity. It was so in character that the Lancer stopped him again just as Arjuna walked out of his room. The direct approach had always been Karna's way, much to Arjuna's chagrin. Permadi was not with him, for once (they had been together since the first day of his summoning), and Arjuna was (shamefully) relieved.

"Do you have time?" the Lancer asked, his blue eyes gleaming with steadfastness. Karna would not budge, Arjuna thought, and as much as he wanted to avoid talking with the servant altogether, Arjuna would rather not invite a commotion.

With an exasperated sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose and reopened the door to his room, letting Karna inside his room. Unlike rooms of most servants, Arjuna's was sparsely furnished, populated only by standard cupboard, desk, and bed. The only part that was graced by Arjuna's personal touch was the white rug that covered the empty space at the center. There were several cushions in place, enough for the two of them to sit comfortably. Arjuna gesture the latter to pick a spot, to which Karna complied, opting to sit on the ones in white.

Arjuna silently followed through, picking a spot right against Karna. "Make it quick, because I have other matters to attend," he stated frostily, himself taken aback by the enmity lacing his words... and the lie that he quickly threw towards the other; Arjuna had nothing urgent at the time, after all.

(Karna had always been the last person he wanted to talk to. This, Arjuna would not deny.)

Karna nodded in compliance, his blue eyes keenly staring at him. "You have been avoiding Ar—no, Permadi—ever since his summon. He has been eager to get to know you... 'the he who comes from another tale', as he dubbed," Karna started, his forehead scrunching as he emulated Permadi's words. Arjuna found the gesture out-of-place at Karna's face; the Lancer had always been hard to read, his expression often emulating indifference despite his charitable deeds.

"So, he thinks that an archery contest will 'break the ice', so to speak," Karna's blue eyes seemed to turn a shade darker with... was that worry? "you don't have to accept, Arjuna."

Of all things that Arjuna expected from this servant, an invitation for challenge was never among them. Moreover, such challenge... to be delivered indirectly... and the fact that the other servant relayed it with a touch of _concern_! Had Karna no confidence in his skills?!

So many thoughts swirled in his mind, but the most prominent one was of _depreciation_. Arjuna gritted his teeth, part of him not believing the words that he would utter, "I accept."

(The other part of him—the _selfish_ part of him—wanted to knock Permadi down a peg.)

Karna looked somewhat baffled, if his widened eyes is an indicator at all; the lines of his face certainly did not change. Servant lancer quietly betrayed Arjuna's expectation once again when he let out a long-suffering sigh, so out-of-character from the Karna he remembered.

"Very well, I shall relay your answer to him and make notice to Master. Gods know how much destruction will befall Chaldea when the two of you meet in combat."

* * *

 

"I am glad that you are able to come," Permadi greeted lightly, smiling as if he was about to depart with a friend. With such expression etched unto his own face, combined with brightness of ray-shift chamber, Arjuna wondered if he ever witnessed it before a mirror. There was a time when Arjuna could smile with such ease—a time before the war that changed _everything—_ but he still forgot how to do so now.

The door to the chamber closed behind him, as if to remind Arjuna that there was no turning back. The Archer nodded in greeting, his vision quietly turned towards his master and Karna. "You will be our witnesses in this procession?"

"And also, the enforcers of order," Ritsuka answered in mock solemnity, "Chaldea is not the best place for a  _Swayamvara_ , no matter how advance our training hall is. It cannot contain the prowess of your Noble Phantasm. We will ray-shift to somewhere else and hold it there."

Every word that Ritsuka uttered rang logically in Arjuna's mind... except for one word that alarmed Arjuna so thoroughly he froze. "...A _Swayamvara_?"

He was quite surprised that Karna exclaimed the same thing as he did. They both looked at Ritsuka in question, to which the man replied, in confusion, "isn't this what you're both trying to do? It's what Permadi told me."

"You are correct, my Master," Permadi's voice broke into the conversation, a lilt of amusement seeping into his words, "this contest is to decide who is worthier of my brother's affection and respect. He _does_ love my brother very much, though I still wonder why he's trying so hard to hide that."

Arjuna never had the chance to properly reply to such _slander_ (gods be damned, _he's not trying to win Karna's attention_!), as they were intruded by the start of ray-shift commencement.

He would feel so much better if he can launch an arrow or two unto his doppelganger-but-not.


	2. the not-Swayamvara that brings out the worst in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Please forgive him, truly."
> 
> Karna's words would have held better meaning if both were not stranded on an island in an unknown location.
> 
> * * *
> 
> In which the contest brings out Arjuna's worst qualities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Note:
> 
>   * It will help you understand this fic if you have read [Arjuna's Interlude #2](https://chaldeluxe.tumblr.com/interlude/084) (Credits to Chaldeluxe for their attempt in translating it, yo)
>   * _Kshatriya_ : part of Varna caste system, being the second class, just below Brahmins. It includes rulers warriors. The Pandava (or Pandawa, whichever you're running with) belong to this caste. [More wiki information available here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kshatriya).
>   * _Shudra_ : part of Varna caste system, the lowest caste of all. Basically, those who are grouped into this caste was the _server_ , though occupations may vary... from warriors to traders to simple farmers. Karna was grouped into this (I could be wrong in this account though), but slowly rose up to Kshatriya due to Duryodhana's political-play (the leader of Kaurava or Kurawa).
>   * _Swayamvara_ : a ritual/event arranged by bride's family (or the soon-to-be-bride her self) to find suitors. The suitors are required to move through challenges that are in place.
>   * _Dharma_ : the order of the universe; to put it simply, certain codes and laws that a person must follow to live a righteous life.
>   * _Adharma_ : 'not orderly'; basically, when you break dharma, your deed is adharma.
>   * _Pasupatha_ : Shiva's Astra (divine weapon), loaned (or was it given?) by Shiva to Arjuna, and with which Arjuna killed Karna.
>   * _Permadi_ : an epithet of Arjuna during his younger time, in Javanese. It roughly translates to "The Handsome One".
>   * _Surya Atmaja_ : an epithet of Karna, in Javanese. It roughly translates to "Son of Surya".
>   * _'Krishna'_ : the 'evil' that took roots on Arjuna's heart; the manifestation of Arjuna's regret for killing Karna when the latter was without weapon (apparently it was an adharma act); every aspect of Arjuna that he thought as imperfection for a Kshatriya. 
> 

> 
> * * *
> 
> I have split this second chapter into two pieces. Been so into writing that I just realized that the whole thing was too _long_.

**[2]**

"Please forgive him, truly."

Karna's words would have held better meaning if both were not stranded on an island in an unknown location. He knew of the region: Okeanos. Perhaps his master thought that making a commotion in the middle of nowhere would not create major shifts in human history. It did not, however, explain why both Permadi and his master were nowhere to be found. Karna had been silent about the whole situation, but Arjuna also suspected that the Lancer had a reasonable explanation for this.

(And also, about the _Swayamvara._...not that he was eager to raise the issue.)

 _"_ Only Ritsuka can save him from my arrows, now," he vehemently muttered, earning him a solid reproached look from his not-brother. Noticing Karna's wordless chiding (it was not very much different from his Karna, really), Arjuna let out a quiet sigh and recomposed himself.

"Never mind that then. What are the rules of this contest? I can imagine that you're not here to be a witness, but also to be a judge."

So, Karna explained to him the contest. They were supposed to collect several items and deposited them on an altar, which was located somewhere on this island. Both Karna and Ritsuka knew where it was, but they would only inform each of them when the necessary items are gathered. Once the location of the altar is disclosed, each of them could choose whether to hunt for more or to go straight to the altar. They had to finish their business before noon, however, to qualify for the contest. Each will be given arrows based on the number of the gathered items. Therefore, gaining more items would give him the better edge.

Karna also mentioned that all Noble Phantasm was off the table. The face-off contest will purely depend on their skills.

"The outcome of this contest is not decided by victory alone," Karna explained further, "Ritsuka will assess Permadi's performance, just as I will assess yours."

Arjuna narrowed his eyes, "Won't you be biased with your assessment, as you are also the issuer of this  _Swayamvara_?"

Again, this man betrayed what Arjuna believed: Karna was quickly avoiding eye contact, even when his indifferent expression lingered. He looked like he wanted to say something, but kept silent, as if he was not sure how to word his thought. Only after a few seconds later, Arjuna realized that his not-brother was silently _flustered_.

Arjuna raised an eyebrow but kept his silence as he waited for an answer.

Eventually, Karna grimaced, "It's Ar—Permadi's self-declaration," again with his brother's name, Arjuna noticed, "he's turning this as a _Swayamvara_ without my consent, so I am an unwilling _coordinator_ , in this respect. And you have my word that I shall be an impartial judge. Let Surya bear witness of my vow."

He really wanted both to sink in relief and to murder not-himself for this farce. Perhaps later, after he dealt with this hunting. Arjuna pulled out his _Gandiva_ and grumbled, "then let's just get this over with."

* * *

Halfway through the hunting-gathering session, Arjuna slowly realized that his master had learned to be shrewd and _merciless_.

They were required to gather at least five Phoenix Plumes and five Yggdrasil Seeds. Those items were carried by women warriors who lived nearby, with mastery ranging from bows to lances. Those with swords, Arjuna could dispatch quietly, but most that he encountered used lances as their weapons. Most of the time, they kept closing in on him, forcing him to engage them in melee combat (which he was not good at, considering the enemies having the weapon advantage).

The consequent hunting-and-gathering session had gone so bad that even Karna suggested him to take a break. Arjuna politely (but frostily) objected the other's suggestion, out of his pride.

When he finally got to the last piece of the required item, Karna finally revealed, "the altar is located west from here, about an hour walk. Unfortunately, the designated time for the duel is due in forty."

"And if I don't show?"

Karna shrugged, "You lose the contest."

"Of course," the archer grumbled and called back his _Gandiva_. While he had no gain from this whole farce, Arjuna had not intention to make this easy for his alter-iteration. "Let's make haste, then."

This part of the forest was emptier than others. The animal path that made to the location of the altar was quite clear, unlike the other parts that served the best cover for an ambush. It made running easy, and Arjuna was grateful for that.

He was also grateful for Karna's expected silence. 

Then Karna had to break that lingering sense of peace, with a statement that left thunder in Arjuna's thought.

"How long has it been residing within you, Arjuna?" 

A part of him thought that Karna was talking about something else. The other part of him, the one that fed on machinations of 'Krishna', though, suddenly stirred relentlessly, as if being called by the servant who wore his brother's face. ' _He knows'_ , the devil spoke, ' _He knows that you are hiding your imperfections... the ones that strayed you from the path of Kshatriya.'_

"...I do not know what you are talking about," he replied, a touch too rigid. Karna wisely replied with a hum, choosing not to pursue Arjuna's deflection.

 _'He knows'_ , Arjuna briskly thought, his mind reeling, measuring the ramifications of that fact. ' _He knows that the real 'me' is unfit to be a Kshatriya.'_

The words kept repeating within his mind, gnawing at Arjuna's conscience until they exited the forest, his feet softly landed on the white shore. He could taste brine in the air and intuitively knew that they had arrived at the edge of the island. The end of their path opened, revealing Okeanos for as far as his eyes could see. The shore was decorated with sands that glittered like gold.

Located before him was a simple stone altar, guarded together by both his master and Permadi. They arrived earlier than he did, then. To Arjuna's surprise, Permadi only gathered the bare minimum required, while looking as if he was going to pass out. His alter-iteration still managed to flash out a smile of confidence though when their eyes met.

Arjuna ignored him altogether, thoroughly reminded once more the reason why he wanted to participate in the first place. As much as it was a chore to do, he needed to see that Permadi was just as unsure as he was.

He would do anything to glean on that darkness if only to verify.

* * *

 

Each of them was given three arrows, based on the boon that they have gathered. The contest, apparently, required each of them to shoot at each other... and catch the oncoming arrows. Karna confessed first-hand that Permadi came up with the idea himself. The Lancer had tried to shake him away from that idea.

Unfortunately for him, Ritsuka thought otherwise, claiming that he already had the tools to help Permadi, out of his curiosity to witness ‘ _the contest of a lifetime_ ’. The tools that he referred to came in the form of arrows, built on the spiritron material. They were modified to an extent so that it would surely fade if it ever pierces _anything_. But if they were stopped not from the brunt of the arrowheads, they would remain as a cohesive spiritron particle.

Sometimes, Arjuna wondered just how resourceful his master could be.

Those who managed to catch the highest number arrow won the right for Karna's affection, or so did Permadi say, while grinning. While it was interesting to see Karna trying so hard to maintain his cool, Arjuna could not fathom how his alter-iteration could be as free as _this_. Ritsuka seemed to approve, though, and was that like rubbing salt on Arjuna's pride? Not only did Permadi have Karna's favor, he also managed to charm his way before Ritsuka.

It irked him so much that he almost broke one of his arrows in his fist.

The contest was meant to be quick, with each contestant taking turns to shoot their respective arrows at each other. Ritsuka mentioned that the arrows might be launched in whatever manner; that was to say, if each of them tried to distract the other through some means and the arrow found its mark, the result will still be valid. Distraction, by its nature, then was not an act of cheating.

Arjuna's honor as a _Kshatriya_ would not allow him to, though.

(But Krishna's sense of practicality _would_ , and it was raging within him at the recollection of Karna's question.)

As soon as both finished what needed to be prepared, both archers picked their spot in adherence. They stood about fifteen meters away from each other, with Karna standing next to Permadi ("to give a better view, so that he can assess you", his Master remarked before Arjuna could even utter a _comment_ ) and Ritsuka next to himself. Then, his master gave the sign to begin, starting with Permadi's turn.

Everything was smooth in the first in the first round, all things considered. While Permadi stood still in his place as he drew his bowstring, the change between his silence and release was so subtle that Arjuna almost missed the signs. At the very last second, though, he managed to catch Permadi's first arrow by its upper shaft, its arrowhead being mere centimeters away from his heart. Arjuna retaliated by aiming at Permadi's left eye, which never pierced through its destination; Permadi had swiftly caught the arrow perfectly, in the middle of the shaft. He frowned, though, his eyes glaring at Arjuna perhaps due to his alter-iteration's poor sportsmanship.

(' _Sportsmanship, what good does it bring? It will not bring me a content victory. One must strike and do what must be done, even when it was an act of_ adharma, _correct?'_ )

Arjuna chose to ignore Permadi's silent chiding, focusing to start on the second round instead. This time, Arjuna had the honor to go first. Decisively, he aimed for Permadi's throat ( _'The spot where I beheaded Karna with Pasupatha... a sure-kill hit_.'), much to the latter's surprise. Permadi managed to deflect it upwards, elegantly catching it when it descended back to him, and then became still.

Arjuna could feel the air picking up, a lingering tension that was slowly building up into a storm.

Permadi let out a hum, his attention slowly returned from the arrow in his hand to Arjuna. There was nothing gentle in his stare, only a distasteful glance that Arjuna himself used to look at the mirror. 

"Do you really hate me that badly?" A question, one that Arjuna could answer outright to himself but never to another. Not even to his wives. Not even to his master.

(Karna, however, was the only one who could pull out the reason why Arjuna hated himself so bad. For that alone, the Archer loathed him thoroughly, as the Lancer was the only one who could  _see_ that side of him without Arjuna even speaking about it, reminding him how unfitting he was as a _Kshatriya_.)

Permadi seemed to realize something else, though, because his countenance shifted as if a secret had been revealed to himself. "No... No, it's not me, it's yourself."

Perhaps that was the key that set his temper ablaze. In that single moment, he ignored the countenance that earned him the way of _Kshatriya_ , remembering how no one should _ever_ knowpitiful and loathsome he was—

—that anyone who had realized his imperfection needed to  _die_.

So Arjuna notched his arrow on his bow, putting an absurd amount of mana into the spiritron-arrow which surely would degenerate into something explosive, and let it fly at his enemy.

 


	3. confessions do not absolve one's sins, but it clears the mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The contest ended on a brutal note.
> 
> * * *
> 
> In which Arjuna learned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Note:
> 
>   * _Angkara (murka):_ a Javanese term roughly translated to cruelty and ruthlessness; more closely translated to _zhalim_ in Arabic.
>   * _Ardadeli and Sarotama:_ the arrows made from the carcasses of Patih Sarotama dan Patih Ardadedali (Patih is a term almost similar to second commander, reporting directly to commander-in-chief), who helps Prabu Kalimantara (Prabu means King), the enemy of Pandawa's ancestor. Along with Jamus Kalimasada and Tunggulnaga, they are relics inherited from fathers to sons, until they reached the Pandawa. I make it a shared noble phantasms among the Pandawa Five.
> 


**[3]**

The contest ended on a brutal note.

Permadi never expected Arjuna's sudden assault, but Karna—with that stupid selfless complex _of his—_ did _. Perhaps_  he picked up on Arjuna's sudden mana surge because he quickly moved to intercept the arrow, only for it to literally blow up on his face. Of course, such attack would not be damaging to a Heroic Spirit of Karna's caliber, but it escalated the matter to a whole new development.

" _You_ ," Permadi suddenly screeched, his eyes a pair of murky brown that detested all evils in the world yet contained them all the same, " _You dare hurt him?_ "

He did not await Arjuna's answer, opting to summon _Gandiva_ (to think that the bow that he used was _the same one_ ) and then firing three arrows of light at Arjuna's face. Arjuna swiftly pushed Ritsuka away from where he stood, the man haphazardly falling back to the ground with a yelp, took a sidestep to avoid Permadi's flights of arrows, and then summoned his own Gandiva as well.

"How dare you," Permadi screamed, his face so twisted with rage that even Arjuna wondered if he himself could possess it so. "You are given the boon to fight alongside instead of against _him_. Such fate has always been what I wish for, and yet _you deny this blessing_?! " his words died among the sound of thunder roaring behind him, mantras of light made of his mana rapidly solidifying into tens of arrows, glowing in red and blue.

A Noble Phantasm he recognized all too well (but never utilized).

" _O ancestors of my father, lend me the strength to crush_ angkara murka _,"_ Permadi prayed, a solemn oath to eradicate the evil of all land, be it at heart or at mind. "The twin arrows of my ancestor, _Ardadeli and Sarotama_."

Despite its designation, what flew at him were groups of red and blue arrows of light. They were among the heirlooms of Pandava, born from the leftover of his ancestor's enemy... A sign of Pandava's triumph over evil, as _Kshatriya_ ; a relic meant to _cleanse_ yet _destroy_.

(Had he become evil before the eyes of _himself_?)

There was no time for him to avoid that Noble Phantasm. He could haphazardly launch his _Pasupatha,_ which was sure to overwhelm Permadi's Noble Phantasm... but certainly decimated everything in its wake... including Ritsuka. There was no other path... except to accept the loss in the most shameful way—

" _O' Sun, become armor_."

—he could make out Karna's voice, bridled with melancholy, amidst the chaos caused by Permadi's arrows. Quickly, the Lancer was next to him, expanding the cape-partof his _Kavacha_ , while extending his protection unto Arjuna. Ritsuka settled on his right side, his eyes widening from shock... perhaps from realizing that _his servant had almost unpredictably killed him._

It felt like forever until the barrages of _Ardadeli_ and  _Sarotama_ ended. When it did, all Arjuna could see was the flabbergasted sight of Permadi as he lowered his Gandiva. Shaded in those brown eyes was a glimmer of pain, as he whispered, "...and so, we stand once more against each other... _why, brother mine_?"

As Ritsuka issued his command through his command seals—to return to sleep until a time he saw fit—Karna gave him another forlorn look, and then spoke, "because _angkara_  lives within you too, and it is my duty as a _Kshatriya_ , and as your brother, to stand against it."

As the winged portion of Ritsuka's seal materialized as multiple ribbons of red, binding Permadi in his place, Permadi shot his brother a pained smile before he was forced back into his spirit form.

* * *

Three days later, Arjuna found the brothers standing before his room.

He spent no more than a moment to quickly close the door, the view of those two spurning Krishna within his heart. He just wanted them to hurt, for they realized the horrifying part of himself, even when he had not given them any confounding confirmation. Before he could shut them out, however, Permadi's hand already flew to the edge of the door, holding it open.

"I... Please, we— _I_ need to speak with you," Permadi pleaded, and the Krishna-part of himself laughed at how pathetic it sounded. But then he recalled the heartbreak that dwelled between these brothers, reminding him of his own struggles to become a worthy _Kshatriya_ (only in the eyes of others, never in his own eyes). So, he spared what little sympathy he had towards both and opened the door. Permadi awkwardly went in, followed by Karna, who simply nodded calmly—a sign of his gratitude, in Karna-speak. Both excused themselves, picking several white cushions to sit on. Arjuna consequently sat on the blue ones, right across the two brothers.

Another bout of tense silence. Arjuna patiently waited it out.

"I want to apologize for my behavior," Permadi spoke morosely, "admittedly, I did not honor the rules of our contest and put our Master in a dangerous position. If not for Karna, everything would have..." another span of silence, one that Permadi could not bear to fill further.

"Everything would not have ended,” Karna’s words continued Permadi’s, filling the blanks that were weighed down by _guilt_.

“Ritsuka had always been steadfast, despite his naive view towards the world. He would have commanded you to stand down before you could demolish everything," Karna replied, snapping that hanging silence. Those blue eyes then turned to him, bearing the intensity of the sun. "And you... do you have any defense against what you have done?"

And just like that, Arjuna's temper returned, the whisper of the Devil freeing and so _tantalizing_ —so easy to just let go and _rampage_. "I have done nothing short of fulfilling my role as a dutiful contestant—"

"That last arrow which you released,” Karna vehemently cut his rant, surprising Arjuna so bad he was forced to focus on Karna’s message. “You aimed at me to hurt, for goading Permadi. Every aim that you brought out then was meant to kill, even when the means were poor. They were not the acts befitting of a _Kshatriya_ like ourselves—"

"Shut up!" Arjuna screeched, the devil whispering in his heart goading him to give in to the _thrill of destruction_ , and leaped at Karna, gripping his neck almost tightly. Permadi would have leaped in and pushed his doppelganger away, but for some reasons.... he did not. Arjuna ignored this little fact away because silencing this man was far more important. "Shut. Up. You have no idea what you are talking about!"

Arjuna's attempt at strangling Karna was futile, of course, as it was hindered by the protection of his _Kavacha_. It did not need to materialize to activate some of its blessings. Surya's boon was made of light, after all, and light lingered in _everything;_ it's within its capability to minimize any harm on him. But Arjuna still kept a strong grip on the latter's neck (not enough to asphyxiate him, of course), while Karna breathed out a heavy sigh.

"Arjuna," he started instead, "It is your choice to hide this side of you, this _angkara_  that drove you to kill him with dishonor."

And it hurt, really, because those words revealed again to himself once more... that for as long as 'Krishna' existed, he would never be the _Kshatriya_ he was meant to be. Arjuna tried to grip Karna's neck tighter, but the act only put further strain on his fingers, not leaving any meaningful damage to his not-brother. He looked those blue eyes once again and was completely overwhelmed by that acceptance... _that sincerity_.

It urged him to spit on that face, wipe that expression off his face.

(Karna— _Surya Atmaja_ —might have forgiven his sins, easing his conscience, but it was not enough to drive away the 'Krishna' that dwelled in his heart.)

"I wonder," Arjuna retorted, bitterness marring his face, "even when you belong to another tale, how could you make me feel like _this_? Is your existence meant to aggravate me, to remind myself how unfitting of me to be a _Kshatriya_? Do you take pleasure in seeing my despair? _My misery_?"

For a moment, Arjuna noted a flicker of emotion behind those blue eyes, shaking that farce of mock _defiance._ It was something akin to pity... but closer to sorrow and grief. The way Karna looked at him and the silence that lingered in-between only stoke his anger.

But then, Permadi filled in the blanks that Karna was not able to speak of.

His alter-iteration had closed in on him, softly pushing Arjuna away from his brother (where had his strength gone?) but leaving those strangling hands at their place... as if he wanted those hands to be there, right at Karna's vulnerable point. Then, he gently put his hand on top of Arjuna's, a gesture to bring him back to the present.

"No, it pains him too much to see you, who wear my face, suffer by your deeds that broke the dharma of war. I know this," Permadi sighed, a faraway look on his face, "because that _angkara_ lives within me too, just like how it has rooted itself in you."

He would have been elated to find his alter-iteration was not as perfect as he seemed. But now, all he could feel was a bitter victory.

* * *

"You cannot move forward while bearing _angkara_ forever, Arjuna."

Arjuna snorted, the words that Permadi uttered sounding too hollow, coming from someone who possessed the same problem as he did. They were in the training hall, watching Karna sparring against Rama in hand-to-hand combat with Sita as their referee. Both Permadi and Arjuna were sitting down, their backs leaning down against the white wall.

"Maybe you have to follow your advice before you preach it to another," Arjuna replied. He could feel Permadi shifting uncomfortably next to him, knowing that his words hit home.

"I—No, you are correct. Because we are both stuck in a perpetual state of hating oneself," Permadi mused, "Karna was better with such matter. Has always been, in fact."

And was that not the truth? Strip down Karna's deeds and tales, and Arjuna would always find _acceptance_  as the foremost quality of his character. It was always that, far before his charity, his steadfastness, and his _gallantry_. If anything, those qualities were born from Karna's _acceptance_.

Arjuna hummed in agreement, his eyes stealing glances on Permadi's leaning form. His alter-iteration was still looking at Karna's direction, perhaps seeing a Karna who was once _alive_.

"It always made me wonder, during those peaceful nights long before the war, how he could go through his life, knowing that he will always be an outcast. As a Kurawa. As mother's firstborn. As a lowly _Sudra_ meant to be _Kshatriya_. Never to fit in because his fellow _Kshatriya_ would always look down to his caste, and his fellow _Sudra_ , too enraptured in their simple life to see the bigger picture. But he went with life, not even bogged down by those who hurt or adore him," Permadi mused, his eyes staring far away, past the mock battle, focusing on phantoms that have faded in memory. "How can he get through of it? A simple question and wonderment, but it led me here."

Arjuna breathed, taking in the confession of himself from another timeline... so fragile in its existence that he could barb it with an ill-meaning remark. The 'Krishna' part of him would surely thrive on the hurt.

And yet, when he looked at Karna, recalling the troubles that he had to venture... 'Krishna' became silent.

"I never had the chance to ponder so," Arjuna talked before he could even stop himself, knowing within himself that a deed must be equally repaid. He talked about how his Karna always stood before his objective, how the Lancer insulted his wife, how Arjuna hated him so much that he was willing to break the dharma of war, how he was so lost after his death, and how he had denied his imperfections for so long that it festered into something _dangerous_. It was a series of confessions, made not to a Brahmin, but to a person who knew him better than anyone else, for Permadi had faced the same things as Arjuna did, despite the almost differing circumstances.

When Arjuna finished, he took in a single breath and felt... free, as if the confessions, while it did not absolve him of his evil, released the pressure on his conscience, gave him time to think and ponder clearly on the matters that happened to himself. A reflection. Thus, when Arjuna looked again to the direction of Permadi, he was greeted with the face like his own, one adorned with a soft and respectful smile.

"It sounds like you are curious about him too, your Karna, I mean," he responded, the smile quietly turning into a grin. Arjuna wanted to rebut the servant and to deny his claim, but Permadi still had his piece to relay—a question that held Arjuna's biting words.

"I hope he would come to you soon, so that you can find the answers yourself, from him," Permadi said, a hint of hope imbued in his words... like a prayer. "Because if I can meet Karna here, then so can you."

The sound of Rama hitting the mattress filled the room, dragging Arjuna's attention back to his not-rival. His glance traced Karna's physique, each detail reminding of his Karna before this pseudo-life... and the moment he heard that _Surya Atmaja_  was summoned to Chaldea. He recalled the odds of summoning the Hero of Charity here and that of summoning his alter-iteration as well, far closer to zero than any other summoning. And yet, Ritsuka did the almost impossible. It sure was the workings of fate.

So Arjuna chose to believe that he would see _him_ again, to settle this mess once and for all, because if Permadi's meeting with Surya Atmaja was fate, then his with Karna was just a matter of moment.

Karna will come, and they would have their conclusion.


End file.
